Coming up to 3 years, Jan 21, 2021
I struggle every single day! The anxiety of dealing with the confusion of that time. The struggle with the pain. My life as an independent individual was stolen from me. Having to rely on anyone to assist me in the simplest things. No longer able to drive!!!!!! I feel more self-centered than I ever have been. I absolutely hate that feeling. Covid really messed me up in so many ways. Lately I have been going over my hospital chart. This is a very small window of my life for 2 whole months. I can remember very few things that went on in that time. Voices! Doctors, nurses and everyone else that were involved in my care. I hear their voices. I kid you not! I wish that I could talk with these people. Just to fill in the empty spaces. You see. I have a difficult time separating what is true and what was my "dream state of mind." I have memories I wish I could break down into categories. Example: What I remember. What I can't remember. And what I hope I can forget.
I have a policy to write paragraphs. Not pages. To write this way I have decided to just write stupid! I am journaling. I don't think too much about it. Just write as it comes to me. So I will see you on the next page!
Recognizing the Heros!
March 7, 2023
There were so many HEROS that were very involved in keeping me alive! I have written this so many times but delete it before posting. I wish I was more aware of those that were involved. I still have visions of faces in special Suits with only their eyes showing. Beautiful eyes! I had a really hard time remembering names but not the eyes! It is weird but those eyes were my window to understanding without words what was going around me. Voices were muffled like the adult voices in all the Charlie Brown movies. English, Spanish, Chinese and even French! I was never good at languages, heck I have a hard time with English! At night around 8pm that was usually the time I was prepared for sleep. I was assigned one Nurse and one Aide for each shift change which was every 2-3 hours. They would talk above me and usually it ended up with them laughing. There was one time I asked them to speak my language. It would be broken but I understood some of it. During the day I usually got a student Nurse that graduated the time I was there. I want to really focus more on all of these important people. But this would be too long. So again I am breaking this Chapter into several segments. It might be a little all over the place but this is how my brain works. So be patient and be helpful. Ask your questions, share your stories in the Comments. See you soon!
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